


down to rest

by strugglingcomet



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Male-Female Friendship, Sad Ellie (The Last of Us), jesse and ellie are bros, jesse picks up the map, picking up the pieces, tbh i simp for dina
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:01:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28890279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strugglingcomet/pseuds/strugglingcomet
Summary: Jesse picks up the map and the next day he, Tommy, Ellie, and Dina make their way back to Jackson. How can whats left of Ellie's family help her pick up the pieces?Told from Jesse/Ellie/Dina Point of View with flashbacks from their teen days.
Relationships: Dina & Jesse (The Last Of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Riley (The Last of Us), Ellie & Tommy (The Last of Us)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

Jesse didn’t mind bonfires, but Dina loved them so he ended up at almost all of them. He would usually make round around the fire, sipping beer and chatting with the others. Occasionally Dina would surprise him with a glint in her eye and whiskey on her breath to make him dance to the loud music. But his favorite bonfires were when Ellie showed up. When she made her way up the hill, nervously looking around while tugging at the sleeve of any of the seven flannels she owned, he would whoop. Dina, immediately aware of the source of his excitement, would leave whatever conversation and throw her arms around Ellie. Jesse would swoop in with a full cup of whiskey as Ellie nervously chuckled and pried Dina’s arms off her neck. She just was nervous in large crowds - that was why her cheeks would flush.

“ELLLLAIIINNEEEEE”

“ELLLLLLEEEENNNN”

“ELIZAAAAAAAA”

Jesse and Dina would take turns screeching names that started with E, reminiscent of when Ellie refused to share any information about herself so Dina and Jesse took to guessing what Ellie’s full name was.

“Jesus christ, guys! I will fucking leave I swear” Ellie would stammer, fidgeting at the sudden attention. Jesse wrapped his arm around Ellie, his best friend but only after years of prying and listening to extensive plots of strange comics he didn’t understand. “you know Dina would just make me drag you back here” and then he shoved the full cup in her hand. It also just so happened that the bonfires that Ellie showed up, he got the most drunk.

Dina spun Ellie around and around, singing terrible pop songs at the top of her lungs, and Ellie would gulp her whiskey down to take the edge off her nervousness. Jesse would laugh and tip his cup up, she deserved to let loose and so did he.

Eventually, Dina would pulled away to float amongst the cliques and Ellie and Jesse would collapse on a log by the fire. They had their best conversations in the bonfire light, erupting in drunken laughter and inside jokes. He could talk to her about anything - any issues with Dina, the increased stress of moving up the patrol ranks, and his favorite topic of conversation of late, Ellie’s blossoming crush on Cat.

As Ellie got to the end of her cup, Jesse noticed her staring at Cat across the fire.

“Dude - just fucking talk to her. You don’t know if she is into you if you never talk to her”

“Jesse! Shut up! She will hear you!” her already pink cheeks deepened in color.

“Dina is spinning the Lana Del Rey record again - I don’t think anyone will be able to hear anything but her yodeling” Ellie laughed, she had to admit, Dina was a horrible singer, but at least she had heart.

“Besides, she already wants to do your tattoo! For free!” Jesse continued.

“and she…she uh did grab my hand during the movie” Ellie whispered into her cup. Jesse broke out in a huge smile and smacked her on the back.

“Now that is my girl!!!” Ellie sputtered her whiskey. As soon as she recovered, she punched his arm. Jesse turned to tackle her when Ellie froze in place.

“What is going on over here?” a shy voice came from behind him. If Ellie had been red before, she was now a fully ripe tomato. Jesse tried to suppress his laughter as he turned to face Cat.

“Yeah Ellie - what is going on here?” Jesse coyly smiled and winked. Ellie gasped for air. Jesus, he was going to have to go into hiding after this conversation or Ellie would put him in the ground.

“Just…uh, just… chillin” Ellie managed to choke out. Jesse giggled like a school girl but Cat just smiled and twirled her short, black hair in in fingers.

“Well i think I am tired so I was just going to walk home…” Cat looked up at Ellie with her dark brown eyes.

“Perfect, because Ellie was just talking about how she wanted to leave! She can walk you home!” Jesse slapped her back again and Ellie choked out a “er…yeah. that”

“I'll walk with you! Let me grab my stuff” Cat flashed Ellie a bright smile and turned to pick what remained of her liquor bottle. 

“Ya know, I can’t always be here to save your ass” Jesse chuckled to Ellie as she stood up. She was very clearly drunk, swaying as she tried to get her bearings. Jesse blinked and saw the blurred periphery of his own vision and made a mental note to get up slowly.

“you are a fucking dick,” Ellie laughed and turned to take Cat’s arm and walk her back down the hill. Jesse smiled and settled with his pride of being the perfect wingman.

“Where the hell did Ellie get to?” Dina appeared next to Jesse. 

“Dina, you should have seen it! Ellie was all like “Cat touched my arm” and then Cat was all like ‘I am looking for someone to walk me home’ and I was like “Ellie was just gonna…” but he stopped short as Dina’s face fell. Her eyes darkened.

“but uh, yeah Ellie is walking Cat home” Jesse finished abruptly noticing Dina looking off toward the path.

_______________________________________

The screams and scuffle had subsided and the only sounds were the echos of rain pelting the roof. The waves that crashed against the outer walls of the aquarium shook the ground below them.

“ _You do this, I’m not saving your ass again”_

Jesse gently opened the door a crack and the rusty scent of blood hit him. His breath hitched - was he about to walk into his bloodied friend, the ghost of her last moments etched on her face?

_“I really hope you make it”_

A bright light hit his face as he continued to crack the door open and took inventory of the room - bloody rags on an operating table, an open door to the left, no wolves, no Ellie.

_Did I make the right choice? I should have stuck with Ellie, I should have convinced her to come with me. Why is she risking all of us- whats left of her family, Dina and her baby - and for what?_

Jesse shook his head, he knew she couldn’t see through her hurt - but they could work together. Dina and Tommy could bring her back to herself. His friends problems were his problems, she wouldn’t do any of this alone.

_Just please be alive._

He snapped to Tommy and nodded his head to the empty room. Tommy crouched down and passed through the open doors with Jesse close behind. Tommy’s head snapped up, making direct eye contact with a crab on a door. He started moving quickly before Jesse could figure out what alerted him.

Tommy burst through the door, gun raised. Jesse finally heard what Tommy picked up on - Ellie was on the ground, sputtering and choking. Jesse’s heart pounded in his ears as he looked her over - blood was spattered across her face and her hand was pushing against her chest as she struggled to take shallow breaths. Pools of blood surrounded her.

“ _Jesus is that your blood?”_

Tommy put his hand on Ellie’s shoulder and she whipped around with her knife at the ready. Her pupils were dilated, he eyes screamed with terror but her jaw set and lips in a hard line. As Tommy kept up with the reassurances,her face softened with recognition and her tears flowed freely. And then she cracked, shaking violently. Tommy continued to talk slowly and Jesse could hear her voice crack. 

_Thank god she is alive. Dina would have murdered me._

With Ellie being safe, he surveyed the room. The blood pools belonged to a man with gunshot wounds to in his stomach and a woman with a stab wound to the neck. He looked over her rotund belly.

_Ellie…Ellie did this?_

He swallowed the bile that threatened to rise up. He looked up at Ellie, her bloody knife still in her hand. She too was looking at the woman.

_Does she see Dina too?_

Tommy murmured something in her ear and lead her out the door they came in. Ellie steeled her face, as all survivors do when they have to focus on the moment. She didn’t make eye contact with Jesse as she walked by and Jesse didn’t attempt to say anything.

Jesse looked down at his shoes. He watched as the blood seeped through his soles, his soaking wet socks and stained his skin. He shook the vision from his head and followed the blood trail to two bodies - there was a piece of paper at the edge of the pool. He picked up the map, folded it, and placed it in his jacket, leaving no trace of who could have committed the violence.


	2. Chapter 2

Dina brings her arms closer to her stomach as she tries to ride out a new wave of nausea. She curls her body closer on the lumpy theater couch waiting for Jesse and Ellie to return with Tommy. The mustiness of the unused theater didn’t help and she longed to breath fresh air. She felt so fucking hot, her shirt is stuck to her sweaty back.

_Like a hot pile of garbage._

A small smile ghosts her lips. It feels like years have passed. Will she ever see that Ellie again? Things had almost seemed at ease - hours of back and forth puns while Shimmer plucked her way across broken highways, snarky comebacks to Dina’s jabs, and the deep blushes whenever Dina dropped the subtlety in her flirtation. Dina could keep Ellie’s focus briefly - particularly when whispering in her ears late in the night while their bodies were pressed together. But Ellie always drifted away after awhile - retreating somewhere Dina couldn’t follow even if she tried.

The trauma, anticipation, and fear were always lingering in the background on their journey to Seattle. Dina gave herself entirely to Ellie - all her thoughts and memories, all her soft spots and pressure points were just handed over to those green pools, gravely tenor, and sweet touches. Ellie had even opened up in ways Dina hadn’t seen - talking beyond vague details about her life in Boston and relationship with Riley, her cross country travels with Joel, but Ellie always stopped short of showing any emotion. She always detached, narrating a story like it didn’t happen to her. Her eyes contained none of the warmth or depth nor did her voice vary with inquisition and feeling that Ellie showed Dina whenever Dina spoke. Ellie never extended the same kindness to herself as she did Dina.

Was Dina doing right by Ellie? Anxiety threatens to pull the bile from her stomach again. She couldn’t stand the idea of letting Ellie go to Seattle by herself - Dina remembered the last time Ellie ran off by herself and how crushed she was for months upon her return. As sixteen-year old Ellie slowly came back to herself, Dina had secretly promised to Ellie that she was going to be there for all the ups and down. Ellie seemed to have been making progress as they approached Seattle, she was at least able to say Joel’s name and her laugh would occasionally reach her eyes. But once they reached the Serevena and saw the first Wolf - Ellie had gone rigid with anger. Dina couldn’t help but feel she was losing Ellie - or maybe Ellie was losing herself? The Ellie who sang her beautiful songs and imagined living on a farm mere hours ago transformed to an Ellie that refused to entertain Dina’s flirtation over that sorority book and argued that living with others was a burden.

_Well you are a burden now, aren’t you?_

Dina winced - she thought she had been helping Ellie by coming here, but Ellie was so angry about the pregnancy and every time Ellie left through the doors of the theater, she came back more withdrawn than before. Had she just been hiding feelings on the way here? How much more of herself was Ellie hiding from Dina? She had seen Ellie slice the necks of people who begged for mercy and killed countless nameless people, but for what? When she asked Ellie about the mercy the Wolves had shown her, she brushed her off. Dina can remember the white hot fury she felt after her sister died, but would she have gone to these lengths? Would she have lost herself?

Dina rolled over and vomited into the bucket on the floor. She clutched at her shoulders and tried to remember the way Ellie held her last night after coming back from the hospital - like Dina was the last thing tethering her to the ground. Ellie’s whimpers still rang in her ear and Dina could almost feel the auburn locks running through her fingers.

_I don’t want to lose you._

Dina could do this - she could ground Ellie. Dina wasn’t going to lose Ellie - to the wolves or to herself.

____________________________________________________________________________

Dina stumbled along the snowy road, giggling to herself. She swung her arms in an exaggerated fashion and hummed a silly tune. Jesse had offered to walk her home, but she brushed him off. Something was off between them and she wanted to enjoy her stupor without a dumb fight over things she couldn’t articulate. Dina watched her breath form little clouds in the air. If Ellie were here she would say Dina is full of hot air.

Oh my god visiting Ellie sounds soooo good right now. Plus she wasn’t dating Cat anymore so she wouldn’t be intruding on something that she couldn’t stand to see. Cat was no good for Ellie, no no no - Dina shook her head so violently that the world spun a bit. After regaining some amount of composure, Dina let her feet do the walking toward the little shed. She felt warm inside - the vodka made sure of that - but she could use Ellie’s reluctant, gentle snuggles and generous blush to make her skin feel hot. She missed the way the desert sun made her feel and only Ellie could make Wyoming air feel encompassing.

At the door, Dina slammed her fist into the door. She was impatient - the short walk from the bonfire had seemed like a hike.

“Dina what the honest to god fuck?” Ellie’s voice was thick with sleep and her hair was in all sorts of directions.

“Ellie Williams - don’t tell me you were already in bed on a Friday night” Dina slurred.

“Do you have any concept of what time it is, dumbass?” Dina pushed forward into the room and fell on the bed - enveloping herself in the smell of Ellie.

“Generally, people are invited in”

“Shuddup youu loveee itt” Somewhere a voice in Dina’s head pointed out that she was probably drunker that she knew, but she shoved it away.

Ellie sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She had fallen asleep at her desk while drawing. She hadn’t slept well in weeks - Joel and Salt Lake City were still swimming in her head. Now since she broke up with Cat this past week, her subconscious threw images of Cat’s tear-stained face and furious eyes yelling about how Ellie never opened up so that the guilt was all-encompassing. She did not need Dina’s flirtation to obsess about too. They had barely spoken while she had dated Cat - Ellie couldn’t even remember the last time they had said more than three sentences to each other.

“Dina ,what do you want?”

“Ellie. Ellllllie. Elllllllllie. I have a joke, but you gotta give me something for it.” Ellie raised her eyebrow and pretended to ignore the way her heartbeat pounded the way Dina’s tongue lingered on her name.

“Di - I am so tir-“

“Ellllliee please? Please, baby?” Jesus, Dina was drunk if she resorted to using pet names to get what she wanted.

“okay, okay - what is it Di?”

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Dina’s eyes were already closed and a lazy smile spread across her face. Ellie took stock of the situation - Dina was already wrapped up in Ellie’s sheets.

“Ugh fine, but if you fucking puke in my bed, I will-”

“kill me, yes okay fine” Dina spread out her arms and legs to take up the entire bed. Ellie started to untie Dina’s shoes and remove them.

“At the very least take me to dinner first” Dina quipped and Elliie’s face burned.

“Dina - don’t get distracted. You owe me a fucking joke.” Ellie went to her closet to grab a shorts and tank top for Dina and threw the clothes at the lump on the bed.

“What do you call a fish with no eyes?”

“oh goddammit”

“a fshhhhhh” Dina spit went everywhere with her long pronunciation.

“Dina I was the fucking one that told you that joke” Ellie chuckled despite herself. “Now put on those clothes, I don’t want my bed to smell like ash” Ellie turned around to give Dina privacy and heard Dina groan as she shuffled out of her clothing.

“Ha. Ash and ass. Like it smells like ass but because it smells like ash” Dina laughed to herself.

“Oh wow, good one, how will I ever recover from my side-splitting laughter” Ellie rolled her eyes and went to fill a glass of water. She set the glass by the bedside and picked up Dina’s clothes so they wouldn’t wrinkle. Ellie then headed to the couch.

“Ellllieee, pleassseeeee” Ellie knew immediately what Dina was asking. Before Cat, Dina would always coax her into bed and immediately press her body against Ellie. Could Ellie afford the uncertainty and confusion the next day? Dina was just being Dina, it was Ellie that needed to get her feelings under control.

“Di - I don’t think”

Dina sat straight up and her brown eyes pinned Ellie to the spot. Her pupils were wide in the darkness of the shed but the redness in her cheeks and lips shone through. Ellie gave up - some normal teenage crush angst would probably break up the day-to-day of guilt and shame that lingered constantly. She walked to the bed and Dina’s face broke into a smile. Besides, Ellie couldn’t build up the courage to say no to Dina.

Ellie laid on her back and looked up at the ceiling of her shed. Dina immediately put her head on Ellie’s shoulder and curled up against her. Ellie swore Dina was smelling her shirt, but she was probably just falling asleep. She instinctively pulled Dina closer to her body, acutely aware of the very thin pieces of fabric separating their skin. She probably wouldn’t sleep tonight - but it would be her busy heart and reluctant hope that buoyed her wakefulness rather than the usual waves of anxiety.

“Your heart beats fast” Dina exhaled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dina let a lot of shit go in the game dude. Ellie was a bit of a pos - but I still love them with my whole heart.
> 
> edited for some sentence structure issues


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to Mac Miller's Swimming Album - the quoted lyrics are from Dunno. Yes the album is from 2018, but I'm too into it rn to change.

Ellie flops down on her bed, the moonlight streaming in through the window. She took a deep breath, already missing the open air. She had just returned from her camping trip with Joel.- she looked up at the sky through her window and closed her eyes, turning over her spaceship pin in her hands. She spent the evening trying to capture the lightness she felt floating through space while the sounds of Apollo 11 drowned out the world. She only celebrated one other birthday - her 14th. Riley had found two kazoos and they spent the afternoon lectures blowing on them whenever their history teacher turned to write on the board. After dinner, her and Riley snuck to the roof and laid on their backs to look at stars. Riley pointed out all the constellations she knew.

_“That one is Aquila, the sharp eyed eagle. She sees everything, protects the world, but she has a soft spot for Cygnus. Cygnus is always right next to Aquila, a beautiful swan, celestial companions to take on the night sky together.”_

Riley had grabbed her hand then. Ellie grabbed her arm and traced the chemical burn.

_“There is Sagittarius. I found a book where people used their birthdays to tell their future. People who were Sagittarius always wanted to move, to explore, to experience. They couldn’t sit still for long”_

_“That’s ridiculous - how can every single person have the same qualities based only on their birthday?”_

_“Maybe it's not about what is logical, it is just something to believe in.”_

_Ellie didn’t know how to respond._

“ _Plus - according to my calculations, you are a Leo hence why you need so much attention” Ellie punched Riley’s arm. Riley turned on her rolled over on top of her and smiled down at her._

_“Yeah - such a Leo.”_

Ellie opened her eyes and found Aquila and Cygnus - the eagle and swan, looking out for each other.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when a knock came at the door. As soon as she opened the door, Jesse immediately barged in carrying a huge speaker, which he set down next to Ellie’s stereo.

“This speaker better work, I hauled it for a mile from that abandoned music shop” Jesse muttered under his breath, sweat beading on his forehead. “Anything for my wittle Ewwie”, he grabbed her in a bear hug which quickly turned into a noogie. Fucking Jesse - just because he magically got taller, he thought he could take her. Ellie went to make her move to tackle him but a chuckle caught her off guard

“Dorks.”

Dina glided through the door in that mesmerizing way she does and laid out over the couch. Ellie noticed that she was staring a bit too long at Dina and blinked the longing out of her eyes. She missed her window to tackle Jesse, he had already let her go and began plugging the stereo into the speakers. Ellie snuck a look at Dina and saw Dina staring back at her. Ellie momentarily thought she saw Ellie’s own desire in Dina’s eyes. Ellie broke the eye contact - no, she was making things up. Besides, she couldn’t let go of Riley. And she couldn’t let what happened to Riley happen to Dina.

Jesse tapped Dina’s feet off the couch and took their place. Ellie plopped down on her beanbag across the coffee table. The beans were falling out when she picked it up, it was definitely at the end of its life. Ellie watched Dina pull three joints out of her pocket and broke out into a smile. Oh fuck yes.

“You didn’t really think we would let you spend the rest of your birthday weekend alone and sober?” Dina smirked. “Sixteen year old now. You can join the big kids now, might even be tough enough for patrols”

“I am literally three months younger than you, and a way better shot”

Dina waved her hand and pointed at Jesse, “You PROMISED I would getto pick the music.”

“Hell no, I don’t want to listen to some pop teen girl shit and Ellie’s music will just make us sad. I am picking the record tonight”

Fuck. Everything around her felt slow. Every second felt like an eternity. Her vision seemed broken into pieces, like a cracked tv screen. She took some deep breaths and could hear the air in her lungs, her blood rushing like a stream. A voice pulled her from an abyss. 

“Lightweight much, beanpole?” Dina tapped Ellie’s foot with hers. Ellie’s head was resting on the back of the beanbag and she slowly picked her head up to meet Dina’s eyes. She got distracted by the freckles on Dina’s face - or where they stars? Where was Aquila?

“Fuuuuuuccccckkk” Ellie turned her head toward the sound - Jesse had somehow ended up on the floor on his back and was just staring ahead. Ellie burst out laughing - she couldn’t stop, taking gasps in like she forgot how to breath.

“Jesus christ, guys, chill” Dina lit the third joint and took a big inhale. Ellie watched as if it was slow motion. Her chest expanded with the breath, her fingers closed around the joint, eyes closed. Ellie became vaguely aware of the record playing, the lyrics blending with her own thoughts. 

_Until, until, there is no longer_   
_Let's get lost inside the clouds_   
  


Riley began to exhale, clouds escaping into the atmosphere. Ellie lets go of the breath she is holding. Dina reappeared in her vision.

_And you, you don't gotta work harder_   
_I can calm you down_

Ellie leans her head back again - losing herself in Jesse’s record, tracing her chemical burn to remind herself who she was.

_______________________________________________________

Ellie watched Dina’s hand linger as she passed Jesse the joint, a small smile played on her lips and a light blush in her cheeks illuminated by the flames of the bonfire. Ellie shifted on the log she sat on. The affection made Ellie feel gross - these were her two best friends and they hadn’t outwardly changed anything in how they interacted with her. She should be happy for Jesse - he had told her with such excitement that he had asked Dina to be his girlfriend. But none of these things made her feel any better

Ellie looked down at her feet and started making patterns in the dirt with her converse. She knew she was jealous of what Jesse had. She couldn’t ever share small moments with anyone again - she was infected in more ways than one. Everyone she got close to died or left. She was already carrying Riley everywhere. And Sam. And Henry.Could she carry anything else?

When the joint came around, she took a large inhale, and looked up at the stars. It was Fall now, so Aquila and Cygnus weren’t in the sky. She let the smoke drift out of her mouth and up into the expanse.

“Yo! Ellie” Antony punched her arm. “Come back to Earth." Ellie passed the joint.

Jesse eventually sat down on the log next to her. She didn’t know how much time had passed, but at least she could take her weed a bit better than she had at her birthday months before.

“Hey, man - are you okay?” Jesse tried to meet her eyes but Ellie kept her gaze resolutely down at the dirt. Ellie didn’t respond.

“Ellie?” Jesse didn’t let up - he never cut her a break.

Jesse stood up and held out his hand “Lets get out of here”

Ellie took the offer, the smoke was suffocating. She was lost in herself.

Jesse walked slowly. “Ya know, my friend’s problems are my problems.” Ellie sighed.

“I just really miss someone.”

“Tell me about ‘em.”

Ellie hesitated, but the air in her lungs begged to be pushed out. “Uh, well I knew her back in Boston.”

“She, uh. She was a bit of an ass when I first met her, but she was always there for me. A bunch of these assholes tried to beat me up in military school on my first day. She went right up to the leader and said she would stomp on his balls. That was before she even knew me” Ellie trailed off but Jesse kept quiet.

“She made me think about things I hadn’t even considered - she encouraged me to look up at the stars, to question commanders, to be me.” Ellie smiled, thinking about how much of her favorite parts of herself were brought out of her shell with help from Riley.

“We, uh, we kissed. We were going to run away together - away from Boston. And uh. she got bit” Ellie sucked in her breath.

Jesse stopped and put his hand on Ellie’s shoulder.

“she….she died in front of me.” Tears started flowing.

“It was my fault”

“Ellie” She kept her head down.

“Ellie - I know it feels like your fault, but it isn’t.”

“I see her everywhere” Ellie whispered.

Jesse looked up at the sky. “Riley sounds like she was amazing.”

Ellie looked up, a little surprised by his answer.

“She might feel like a ghost sometimes, Ellie. But maybe she is a source of strength, like she is watching out for you. Just like she used to” Ellie nodded while Jesse put his arm around her.

“Hey Jesse - are you okay…are you okay with me…?”

Jesse understood immediately. “Ellie, of course. This doesn’t change anything, you are still you. And I won’t tell anyone.” Ellie gave him a small smile. “Thanks, man”

“C’Mon Eleanor, lets get you home”

_Maybe some people stayed._

________________________________________________________________________

Ellie looked up at the light of the theater through the heavy rain. She paused for a minute, relieved the water had carried away the blood. She lifted her face toward the night sky, closed her eyes, and let it wash over her, wishing it could cleanse her sins, too.

Without the immediate threat of danger, she nearly fell to her knees. The bile in her throat burned as she remember Mel’s rounded abdomen, the gasps of Owen as he reached for her and choked on his own blood, Nora’s hot blood hitting her face. What had she done?

A new wave of guilt rushed over her - the people she loved were out here, in danger, because of her. Dina, too sick to even say goodbye that morning - was she okay? Ellie's heart twisted up when she realized that hadn’t even thought about Dina today. How many times had she fallen or been hit in the stomach over their journey? Jesse had seemed really worried when he saw Dina yet Ellie had been unwilling to hear anything about going back to Jackson.

Had she really risked Dina and Jesse and Tommy for this?

She didn’t even finish the job. Abby was still alive. Joel was still dead. She hadn’t brought him justice. It was for nothing. She had failed.

_She gets to live._

She opened her eyes as she felt a hand on her shoulder.

Jesse looked into her eyes, she saw a flicker of fear, but he noticeably shook his head as if to remind himself that he knew her.

“It is okay, Ellie.”

“Jesse - I’m…I’m sorry for, it was fucked up for me to leave you.”

“I know, Ellie. It’s okay. We are safe.” Ellie looked down, unable to take his reassurances, she didn’t deserve it.

“Jesse…I am fucked up”

Jesse paused. “Ellie, you are still you. Things change, but I know who you are.” His voice wavered. Ellie didn’t believe him and she doubted he believed himself. She knew he saw Dina when he looked at Mel.

“Let’s just get inside.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcannons: Jesse has the best taste in music of the three of them, 
> 
> I also know nothing about stars. Next chapter will have a longer current moment - eventually we will leave Seattle. maybe. 
> 
> Clarification: Flashback from Ch 3 happens first within the timeline, followed by Ch 1 Flashback and then Ch 2 Flashback (my gf thought I should clarify it)

**Author's Note:**

> First time ever posting - working on getting better at dialogue. I just wanted Ellie, Dina, and Jesse to be able to get drunk and play board games.


End file.
